lost in amsterdam

so wednesday night i had an experience that everyone should have at least once when they move to a new place--i got lost. except mine was not a 'daytime lets get lost on foot and find our way back again', mine was a 'on my bike for 2 and 1/2 hours at night'. side note: do not choose the 'back-way shortcut' if it is your first time getting somewhere on a bike and it's night time. needless to say, i got terrifingly lost--not just that i couldn't find the place i was going to (today i realized i must have circled the block a few times), but i got so turned around that i was getting into an area that i couldn't find on my map and the area was getting less urban. needless to say i totally freaked out, but followed the signs that took me back to central station. and now i would have to say i am a bit more confident on my bike!

video entry: amsterdam #1

amsterdam: take 1

so here is my first entry from the netherlands! instead of a synopsis of my 2 days here, i thought i would just give some bullet points of things that are different/interesting/unique that i've noticed about amsterdam and such. also, bullet points are much more fun to read than long paragraphs of writing

• bicycles: there are SO many here--475,000 I believe, even though there are only 760,000 people. i will hopefully be purchasing one within the next week or so. they are between €50-100, but it is practically unheard of here to not have a bike. it's the most practical means of transportation, and there are separate bike paths and tons of bike parking all throughout the city. i may wait to get one til it gets a little bit nicer however, as it has been particularly cold/snowy/icy, and i have no experience biking in snow/ice.
• dutch: i guess i did not realize that, although everyone can speak english, most everyone speaks dutch to one another and all of the signs are in dutch. i wish i had learned some before i got here, and am going to try my best to get into the dutch language/culture course that is being offered, even though i did not sign up for it at first. it was a bit difficult to go grocery shopping today--me and my roommate lauren had to pretty much guess what most things were by the pictures on the box/container.
• beer: although not the biggest deal in the world, i purchased beer for the first time! i owed my roommate some money and so bought her a bottle of beer at C1000, the supermarket by our apartment complex. it was quite surreal--i was not I.D.ed, and it was surprisingly normal feeling. hopefully this will be the last beer i buy in amsterdam, unless i am treating someone to a drink :)
• euros: they are fun to use and much prettier than US money! this is my first time off the continent, and haven't used foreign currency since the last time i went to canada. unfortunately the exchange rate is crap and the bank charges me a shit ton to withdraw cash, and it is very uncommon that stores will accept credit cards/debit cards.
• architecture: it is some of the most amazing i have ever seen, unlike anything in the states. we went on a canal tour (there are 165 canals in amsterdam) with my study abroad group. i cant even explain how wonderful it is. i took some pictures which i will post soon.

i will write more later--right now i am exhausted and need to get up at 8:00 tomorrow to get to UVA(universitiet van amsterdam) for continued orientation. fun!

--rose

insanity

remember that lovely definition of insanity which is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? i just re-realized that i am insane. and how literally this definition defines most of my sexual conduct. i was looking through some facebook photo-album from back in california and a picture of isaac pops up, and all i can think is what a fucking asshole. luckily my next thought was no, i'm the fucking asshole. if insanity can be defined as 'fooling around with the same person over and over and expecting different results' then i think i have found the definition to define my sexual conduct. this guy is the same asshole he was the first time i met him in the summer of 2008. the first time we hook up and he treats me like shit, he's the asshole. the second time we hook up and he treats me like shit, i'm the idiot. the third time, well... i need to get my head checked. this definition can pretty much be inclusive of all of my relationships with people--sexual or not. expecting someone who has always treated me the same way to somehow begin to appreciate my presence in his life is insane. hoping that he will change, waiting around until they do, doing the same things over and over and hoping that this time it will be different is masochistic behavior, and i need to remember that. i need to remember that i am an insane, masochistic, codependent girl, and that i'm going to continue to do the same thing over and over and over until i change something. i guess i just need to get in enough pain before that can happen.

500 days of summer

so, i just saw this movie, and i have to say that it struck me in a way i was not expecting. usually, i do not like romantic comedies. they are unbelievable and the characters tend to be unlikable and slightly pathetic. but this story was... true. it was true in the way that you have to see it to understand. the male character played by joseph gordon-levitt was like me, if i was a guy. he falls so in love with this girl who just isn't quite as in love with him back. this is simplifying it, but it made me sad in a way that i can only describe as hopeful. one of my favorite quotes from the movie was "just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate". something important to remember. this is not a movie review--i wouldn't even know how to begin to review a movie, this is simply trying to make sense of how i feel right now, having just watched this film. it is certainly not a love story in the usual sense, but it is a true story about love. you should see it, if you can. it's not the best movie i've ever seen, but it does say something true.

video entry? whaaa?

...

depression is a bitch.