facebook

i deactivated my account. i figure there is a problem if i am getting horribly upset by a picture tagged in a newsfeed. i'll bring it back i'm sure, but i don't need any more drama in my life. i create enough on my own, no need to take ammunition from facebook, which is beginning to happen. hmph.....

turkey day, pt. 2

depression symptoms:

• loss of interest in normal daily activities
• feeling sad or down
• feeling hopeless
• crying spells for no apparent reason
• problems sleeping
• trouble focusing or concentrating
• difficulty making decisions
• unintentional weight gain or loss
• irritability
• restlessness
• being easily annoyed
• feeling fatigued or weak
• feeling worthless
• loss of interest in sex
• thoughts of suicide or suicidal behavior
• unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

i think i've been depressed this whole semester. i mean... it makes sense, it's not like i haven't been depressed before or won't be again. and i certainly don't feel the worse i've ever felt. not near it. the thing is... i would say about half of the symptoms of major depression i experience ALL of the time. well... most of the time at least. so, i guess, am i depressed, or is this just me? am i just, at best, a mildly depressed person? i'm thinking i should probably start eating even better than i already do, lose 10-15 pounds, and avoid falling in love. heartache just rips me apart. i don't think i can take it much more.

turkey day

patterns

"Stain is a set of a teacups designed to improve through use. This project examines the assumption that use is damaging to a product (For example, scratches on an iPod).

The interior surface of the cup is treated so as to stain more in predetermined places. The more the cups are used, the more the pattern is revealed. Over time they will build up an individual pattern dependent on the users personal way of drinking tea."

if only the more damaged i got, the more beautiful i became.


(artist: bethan laura wood)

the chapter in your life entitled winston-salem

this evening finds me in winston-salem, north carolina, sitting in a coffee shop on a rainy november sunday. emma, carrie-lynne and i are doing homework at krankies, possibly one of my favorite coffee shops. the coffee is not the best i've ever had--i would rather get a cup of gimme! coffee any day of the week, but the atmosphere is quite unique. you know instantly that you are in an art-college town, as the baristas and customers are beautiful, tattooed & pierced, and dressed much cooler than you, and 'interpol' is playing overhead. the first 2 weeks of summer after freshman year i spent on the partially enclosed patio nearly every day, smoking cigarettes and finishing the work for the 2 classes that I had taken incompletes in. although my moms only been living in north carolina since september of 2007, i already have memories associated with this place. i guess winston-salem is some place i'll be returning to often, whether i like it or not.

so--i don't know why i started this blog, but it felt like the right thing to do. i've been feeling terribly disconnected from people and places and things, so hopefully this will change... something. i intend to keep this up through winter break and through my semester abroad. friends--if you like to read blogs, then add mine to the list of those that you peruse on occasion. i do not promise excitement or originality. i'm just another 20 year old girl starting an online journal. there yah go.

and also: the song that inspired the title of this post