Monday, December 21, 2009
i feel like shit... this is what i get for eating shit food all day, taking 2+ naps, and not changing out of the clothes i slept in. and i couldn't shower because i already packed up everything, because our flight was supposed to leave this morning. but... there is a huge storm in southern new england so we can't get out til tuesday morning. in buffalo. and ive been having fits of the cryings all day. i can't deal with emotions. and i'm going through caffeine withdrawal in addition to multiple rejections and sitting in an empty apartment all day. blank walls and nothing in any of the drawers... it's so miserable. it's fucking sinking into my skin, this emptiness. i just want to go back to the way things were a week ago, just one week ago, when the idea of packing my apartment and writing papers and all that shit was looming but not all-encompassing. and i can't seem to be able to accept help or even human touch. i cringe when my father touches me even though i love him so much... what a selfish, selfish disease depression is.