the same-old

the whole right side of my neck is swollen and painful and it's difficult to swallow... i don't know what that is about, but if it keeps up for another day or so i'm going to start to worry. it's probably just stress. from the fact that i have two papers due tomorrow, one that was due today, and tonight i'm going to go out to a photo exhibition instead. i just want to go to sleep and not wake up. i realize i say that whenever i am in a miserable mood, but it always seems to be the only thing i want to do in times like these.

nothing else is interesting. i kind of want to just leave ithaca this weekend so i don't have to deal with any of these fucking goodbyes. especially to the seniors who i may never see again for all i know. i am just restless, irritable, and discontent. i'm fucking done. i feel like i am in that place i've been so many times before, where when around other people all i want is to be alone, and when i'm not with anyone i'm so fucking lonely and depressed. and i can't be happy for anyone because i'm just wallowing in self pity. i'ma drown in it if i don't make some sort of change.