Sunday, December 6, 2009

the snow

so i officially feel like shit tonight. i just am ridiculously hyper-sensitive and self-centered. and have recently been crying over even the smallest sadness or disappointment. i don't think it's healthy. in fact, it's embarrassing thinking my neighbors hear me bawling through the walls on a regular basis. i guess it's some sort of release. i just hate being vulnerable, and have a lot of difficulty crying in front of others, excluding joe for some reason, who i tend to cry in front of on a regular basis. i just wish, often, that i could turn it off--the sadness, pain, fear, passion, intense emotion, all of it--life would be easier.

on the other hand, it snowed today for the first time this year. it was very beautiful, and i stood outside on our balcony for too long, to the point that my bare feet were aching. but i needed to feel alive--its fucking stupid and cliche, but i needed to feel something, something disassociated from anything emotional. it was nice. i might do it once more before i go to bed tonight. just to remember.

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